Thomas Griffin 3/29/24
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Pain is real for everyone.
Some might experience the hurt of an illness. Some might experience the loss of a loved one or a broken relationship. Some might even question their own self-worth and identity. No matter how we experience suffering, it is a universal. It is like a glue that binds the human experience. No matter the culture, civilization or country we all deal with pain.
Last month I met a man at my parish who made these words radically real. We began talking by chance. He had a question about a parish event and I happened to be in the back of the church. He quickly opened up to me and said that he was looking for a space to talk with others. His mother had taken her own life when he was only three years old. His father died by the time he was seven years old so he moved in with his grandparents. By the time he was a young teenager, his grandparents passed away so he grew up with an aunt that he barely knew.
Later in life he married and had three children. Once the youngest was in high school his wife told him that she was leaving him. There had been no affair. He had not done anything offensive. She simply claimed that she wanted something different from life, and she left.
I then asked him a very honest question. In fact, I didn’t even give it much thought before I started speaking. I said, “how do you still go to church and be a person of faith after all that has happened to you?” The man began to cry as he said, “God is the only father I have ever known.” He went on to say that he was a lucky man. His children loved him and they remained close. He also said that he was lucky because of how much Christ loves us and suffered for us.
In this unplanned, five minute conversation my Lent was transformed. Sacrifice and suffering was not plastic to this man. It was not artificial for him to say that Jesus suffered for his sake. It was not meaningless for him to state that God was a father to him. His faith was so simple but it was so real at the same time. It was raw and it had scars. But his faith was something I aspired to.
I felt like I was catapulted to Holy Thursday night and Good Friday. On Holy Thursday Jesus felt the depths of human brokenness and betrayal. Even though he told his disciples that he would have to go to Jerusalem, suffer and die they still seemed oblivious to what was coming. Judas, one of his closest followers, was handing him over to his accusers. During Jesus’ last meal with his friends he washed their feet, gave them the Eucharist and told Peter that he would deny him.
All claimed that they would not betray or deny Christ. But they all did, except for John.
After supper they went to a garden to pray. Jesus invited Peter, James and John to come closer as he prayed. They couldn’t stay awake even though they knew that Jesus’ life was on the line. As Jesus sweats blood they are too tired to care. Jesus feels the weight and ugliness of evil and sin in the garden. He sees just how dark it is for those who reject God. He sees just how brutal his suffering will be on Good Friday. And yet, like that man I met in my parish he knows that his Father is good and that his Father is with him. Despite all of the darkness and suffering Christ knows that his identity: he is beloved. So, he accepts the will of the Father and he allows himself to be arrested.
It seems to me that without knowing our true identity we will fall in the face of suffering and in the pain that life can bring. To be a Christian and to experience the magnitude of Holy Thursday and Good Friday is to know our deepest identity at its core.
If you are like me it can be too easy to reject just how important faith is. We might go to church and say our prayers but does our relationship with Jesus Christ own our life?
We know that Peter denied Jesus three times. Not only did he deny him but Christ told him that he would and he still did so. The Greek word for “deny” is arnēsē. It can also be translated as “to disown.” I never thought about Peter’s decision to deny Jesus as him disowning his faith. It is uncharacteristic of Peter because he is the one to speak up first about Jesus’ identity (Matthew 16:16). Despite this fact, when Jesus’ life was on the line he chose to let go of his faith instead of own it.
In the fact of suffering, the invitation of Holy Thursday and Good Friday is to own our faith. To be like John and Mary, who remain with Christ rather than like the other disciples who flee when he most needs them. In our culture and society today, Jesus needs you. God needs you to stand up for Him and to be a person of deep faith. Someone who owns their faith even in the face of their own suffering and even with the risk that the world might reject you.
These days reveal that we are all luckier than we know. We might be carrying real pain and suffering – just like that man I met in my parish. We might be ill or be facing something that appears unchangeable. But, God is our Father. Christ is our savior. He suffered and died so that we would know that we are not alone in our pain. He rose so that we would know that no suffering or evil can beat him. Those are not words or sentiments. They are realities we can experience.
So, name your suffering and hand it to him. Then watch as he shows you your true identity: you are his.
Thomas Griffin is the chairperson of the religion department at a Catholic high school on Long Island where he lives with his wife and two sons. He has a masters degree in theology and is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Empty Tomb Project: The Magazine.
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