Thomas Griffin 9/14/25
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I write this from the bedside of my wife as she lays in the hospital recovering from brain surgery. As I write and reflect on the past week we have spent in the hospital, my eyes have been centered on September 14th, the Exaltation of the Cross. We were married on this day in 2019.
This past June, Joanna and I spent the night in a different hospital because she had been experiencing consistent eye pain, headaches and tingling in her arms and legs. After many hours of waiting and several exams, the doctors found a cyst between her brain and pituitary gland. Thankfully, it was not cancerous. After receiving several opinions, we were told that it would have to be removed to prevent further complications in her vision and hormone function.
I have seen her scared. I have watched her cry. We held each other’s hands until she was taken to the operating room and I held her hand as she came out of the effects of anesthesia. Her recovery was intense. She was on bed rest for four days, instructed to only lay flat. I fed her the small portions of hospital food that she could bear. Poured drops of water or juice in her mouth and assured her that the incredibly painful and debilitating migraines she was experiencing would subside soon.
From the moment she went into surgery to the first time she was able to stand several days later, I kept going back to the day of our wedding. I also forced myself to return to the cross as I watched her recovery. The result was unexpected.
I thought clinging to her in her pain and continuously being attached to her suffering would make me more sad or perhaps less hopeful about the future. The opposite happened. In watching her suffer I was given a glimpse into the beauty and truth of exalting one’s cross. In Joanna’s helplessness, I saw the innocence of Christ. In her bloodied bandages and wounds, I saw the need for my heart to be more reverent towards the Body and Blood of Christ in the Eucharist.
Those who experience large amounts of physical pain, like Christ on Calvary or a family member enduring serious surgery, are completely helpless. They can be overlooked or they can be respected. They can be lovingly spoken to or they can be treated as if their dependence was a bother. The connection between the creation of my marriage and the celebration of the cross were amplified during Joanna’s recovery. I saw myself loving her more because she depended on me for everything. I saw myself viewing suffering as a chance to shower her with love rather than a reason to doubt God’s goodness.
I also knew, like the cross, that the pain and suffering would bring healing. She was experiencing pain and soreness from a procedure that would bring her healing, God willing. The suffering of Jesus on the cross was the price for our sin. It brings new life. This perspective of Jesus’ victory and my own sinfulness was another clarification brought by her healing process. I realized all the ways that I desire to treat her better, pay more attention to her, and show her just how much I love her. The times that I failed to do these things were made crystal clear while I watched her in her hospital bed.
Finally, intentional caregiving that I needed to give her brought a deeper level of intimacy with her and with Christ. I saw, more than ever before, how every treatment and pain she had impacted her. It was as if we were truly living out the fact that the two are made one in marriage. This made me realize that praying with an image of the cross or with a crucifix is meant to do the same thing.
We are invited to cling to the cross and see our face in the reflection of Jesus’ eyes as he gave his life for us – just like I saw my reflection in the eyes of Joanna when she woke up from surgery. Suffering united us, and I am beginning to see that Jesus’ pain can be a similar gift that breeds intimacy with the God of the universe who is love itself. For me, this year is our wedding anniversary, but it is also the anniversary of the cross. The biggest reminder of our worth and of God’s ability to work through any pain and suffering – because His love restores all and conquers all.
Thomas Griffin is the chairperson of the religion department at a Catholic high school on Long Island where he lives with his wife and children. He has a masters degree in theology and is a masters candidate in philosophy. Thomas is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Empty Tomb Project: The Magazine. He is the author of Let Us Begin: Saint Francis’s Way of Becoming Like Christ and Renewing the World.
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